I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
