I looked at my own cervix.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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