I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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