I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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