I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
