pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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