just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
