Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
