called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
