We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
my poor anus
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
