Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
