Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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