Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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