I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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