nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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