Nicole vs. Life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
