I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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