with your own penis?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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