This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
