Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
