that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
