the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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