pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
40s are totally the cure
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
