My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
