this boner is exhausting
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
