Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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