Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
