Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
