Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
