i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
