I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
