i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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