bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
