Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
