rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The best revenge is premature balding
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
