sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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