what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
