Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
