Just cropdusted the office
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Houston, we have a blender
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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