so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
