the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
