Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
