I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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