a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my poor anus
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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