Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
