Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
