What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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