Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
