she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
