Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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