I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
