it hurts more in the daytime
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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