It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
