I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
