Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
