kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize