i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
