i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
