it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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