New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
