My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
