i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
