I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
