White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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