I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
