whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
