this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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