I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
