just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
